December 10, 2005

Evil Bitch: Part 1

Poor Jason. Not only does his wife suck, but it seems as if he's very lonely right now. After about thirty phone calls, Todd and I decided we had better start being good friends and make some time for him.

He claimed that all he really needed was a ride to our other friend's house (also a Jason...we'll call him Jason S.). We pulled in the driveway, parked the car, and entered the house quietly, as not to disturb the ogre.

As I followed closely behind Todd, ready to enter the kitchen, he whispered frantically, "Go back, go back!! Wipe your feet! Don't track snow on her kitchen floor!" He was right. No one wants to experience the hell that is Joyce angry with you.

"Jason...." we whispered. Through the kitchen, through the dining room..."Jason..." Still no answer. My heart beat fast as we prepared to enter the living room. I was sure that I would round the corner, only to come face to face with Joyce in all her early morning glory...complete with no eyebrows, as she hasn't yet had time to draw them on. I pictured that ater seeing me in her house, she may just draw them on to look angrier than usual.

To our surprise and relief, there was Jason sitting on the couch watching the Disney Channel with no one but his son.
"Hey, buddy!!!"
"Hey, guys!" Jason sounded thrilled.
"Well, should we get going?" I asked.
"Why don't you guys just stay and watch the movie with us?" Jason begged.
"Well I've got to get back home and start getting ready for work," Todd said.
"Well...I can't really leave quite yet..." Jason trailed off.

No sooner did he say so, than Joyce came stomping down the stairs. She looked directly at us, but did not so much as say,"hi."

"Why won't Emma stop crying?" she screamed.
"I layed her down 10 minutes ago and every time I try to go near her she screams louder!"

I squeezed Todd on the leg, in hopes that he would know what I was thinking-She's crying because you're trying to go near her. He stifled a laugh, and I knew that we were sharing the hypothesis.

"I'm going to sit in the kitchen," Joyce huffed. She turned to go, but not before placing the baby monitor with poor Emma's wails directly in front of the television. Now, not only could her husband, his friends, and her own son not see the Disney movie, but we could not hear it either.

I knew that the reason we were taking Jason to drop a saw off at Jason S's house was because Jason S. no longer can stand to visit, and therefore would not come by to pick it up on his own.

As we made our way to the door, I forced myself to give Joyce a smile. I figured it must be hell enough on Jason just being married to her without having her hate his closest friends.

With her eyes looking beadier than ever, she weakly smiled back at me.


At Sunday, December 11, 2005 2:03:00 AM, Blogger sunny said...

Unfortunately, by the "Part 1", I am forced to believe that there will be many, many, many more installments of Evil Bitch. Maybe even different characters.

Sigh. She's definitely one part of that town I can live without. (Not that I even noticed her last time I was around, but still.)


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