December 27, 2005

They Say Every Dream Has A Hidden Meaning

I was taking Sammie to work...but this time it was not Wal-Mart! For some reason she worked in this project-style brick building in an un-named ghetto...doing what, I'm not sure. Instead of driving back home, I waited in the car for her to finish. As I was waiting, I noticed scary ghetto people with guns heading for my car. Frantically, I began to lock my car doors...one...two...three...but before I could lock the drivers door, a guy with a dirty face and gold teeth opened it and started to grab me. I managed to lean back, stick both feet out the door, and kick him a fairly good distance from the car! I quickly slammed the door shut, thinking I was now safe, but no sooner did the thought of safety cross my mind, than I realized that all my windows were open. More guys were headed toward my car, but as fast as I could, I turned the key and pressed each button to roll the windows up. As each window hit the top, it shattered. My first thought at the cracked windows and broken glass all over my car was not that these bad guys could now get in. It was, "Damn! Now my car looks like SHIT! I'm going to have to vaccuum all this glass up. I can't afford to get four new windows for my car. This SUCKS!" So what did I do? Drum roll, please....I began to knit a curtain for each broken window while I finished my wait for Sammie. I even chose a nice grey color of yarn to match the interior.

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

December 24, 2005

That's A Waste In My ASS

I just thought I would share that quick. For those of you who DON'T do your best to mix up popular sayings, that one there is a mix between 'a waste of my time' and 'a pain in my ass.' And that's what I told a girl at work the other day. For some reason she looked at me like I was crazy. Figure that one out.

December 20, 2005

The Sweet Adelines Were On To Something

One Halloween, Sarah and I were going to dress up like the Sweet Adelines, a group of old women from the Shawano area. They all sing and operate local booths like the cream puff stand at the Shawano fair.

Our method of dressing up like them was to wear bright red hats and purple clothing, being as that is how we saw them dressed several times.

It turns out, the Sweet Adelines are a group of old women who belong to another group of old women called The Red Hat Society.

Check that out...not only would it make for a great Halloween costume, but it's a pretty cool idea on its own!

December 16, 2005

KNIT ME SOME PANTS, BABY (And Other Random Thoughts)

I need pants. Every pair of pants I have are a) ripped at the belt loops, b) ripped in the crotch, c) have a busted zipper, d) too big or too small...usually too small, or e) showing my ass crack.

This sucks. I was down to one final pair of jeans, that at their best, never look clean no matter how I wash them. Today I saw the tell-tale signs of a crotch rip beginning. Damn. I guess some of that extra cash is going to a pair of pants.

I need shoes. Can you knit shoes? Probably not a good idea. The shoe situation is pretty much the same as the pants situation, only the shoes don't rip in the crotch, as much as the sides, and they certainly don't show my ass crack, only my toes...well one toe anyway...my left big toe.

I need to hurry the hell up with a few certain Christmas gifts. I think I'll start tonight and continue until I fall asleep or have to go back to work.

Lizz told me that after her and Jamie got married, they were just going to make up a NEW last name, because they didn't like his or hers. They finally did that...legal and everything. Alezetes is the name. A couple of years ago, Lizz told me what that meant, but I don't remember.

My dad works at a nursing home, and Todd and I went to this open house thing there about a week ago. Someone called and told Todd he won one of the door prizes (typoed 'dood prizes'...sick) and to pick it up....hmmmm.....wonder what it is.

Todd gets to go to a state bowling tournament. It's in Fondulac, and lasts for a couple of days. I get to go too! We're staying in a hotel. How exciting. Well, to me anyway.

December 13, 2005

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Well, last night I won some. $63.48, to be exact. I was at the casino playing on a $.o2 machine called 'Bucks Ahoy.' It took me $5.oo and two and a half hours. At one point, I had it up to around $87.oo, but for some reason I thought I could do better. After that, I let it drop down to somewhere around $6.00, and thought my gambling night was over. All of a sudden, I hit a decent match and thought I better call it quits. I think I'll pay my phone bill with it, and use the rest to buy a certain something for Todd that he's been wanting.

Todd, if you are reading this, don't worry-it's cheap...and besides, you're doing the furniture bill thing, so I have every right to reciprocate in this sub par manner.

Sarah, I hope you end up coming back for Christmas, because I have an awesome present for you...and you know how I am about mailing things in time. Actually, I almost have an awesome present for you, but if it backfires, which is quite possible, don't fret, for I have a back up gift.

December 11, 2005

To Whelm Or Not To Whelm

I was playing some "match the quote to the stupid republican" game, and apparently I didn't do so hot. In fact, it said, "Your knowledge is 'underwhelming.'

So my question is this: If a person can be both 'overwhelmed' and 'underwhelmed' can one simply be 'whelmed?'

Happy box wine drinking to those of you drinking boxed wine!

December 10, 2005

Evil Bitch: Part 1

Poor Jason. Not only does his wife suck, but it seems as if he's very lonely right now. After about thirty phone calls, Todd and I decided we had better start being good friends and make some time for him.

He claimed that all he really needed was a ride to our other friend's house (also a Jason...we'll call him Jason S.). We pulled in the driveway, parked the car, and entered the house quietly, as not to disturb the ogre.

As I followed closely behind Todd, ready to enter the kitchen, he whispered frantically, "Go back, go back!! Wipe your feet! Don't track snow on her kitchen floor!" He was right. No one wants to experience the hell that is Joyce angry with you.

"Jason...." we whispered. Through the kitchen, through the dining room..."Jason..." Still no answer. My heart beat fast as we prepared to enter the living room. I was sure that I would round the corner, only to come face to face with Joyce in all her early morning glory...complete with no eyebrows, as she hasn't yet had time to draw them on. I pictured that ater seeing me in her house, she may just draw them on to look angrier than usual.

To our surprise and relief, there was Jason sitting on the couch watching the Disney Channel with no one but his son.
"Hey, buddy!!!"
"Hey, guys!" Jason sounded thrilled.
"Well, should we get going?" I asked.
"Why don't you guys just stay and watch the movie with us?" Jason begged.
"Well I've got to get back home and start getting ready for work," Todd said.
"Well...I can't really leave quite yet..." Jason trailed off.

No sooner did he say so, than Joyce came stomping down the stairs. She looked directly at us, but did not so much as say,"hi."

"Why won't Emma stop crying?" she screamed.
"I layed her down 10 minutes ago and every time I try to go near her she screams louder!"

I squeezed Todd on the leg, in hopes that he would know what I was thinking-She's crying because you're trying to go near her. He stifled a laugh, and I knew that we were sharing the hypothesis.

"I'm going to sit in the kitchen," Joyce huffed. She turned to go, but not before placing the baby monitor with poor Emma's wails directly in front of the television. Now, not only could her husband, his friends, and her own son not see the Disney movie, but we could not hear it either.

I knew that the reason we were taking Jason to drop a saw off at Jason S's house was because Jason S. no longer can stand to visit, and therefore would not come by to pick it up on his own.

As we made our way to the door, I forced myself to give Joyce a smile. I figured it must be hell enough on Jason just being married to her without having her hate his closest friends.

With her eyes looking beadier than ever, she weakly smiled back at me.



December 09, 2005

My Todd

Yesterday, after telling me that he would pay the $700 left on my furniture bill, Todd picked Sky and Rhain (my two oldest nephews) up to go cut a Christmas tree. They set off through snow, into the woods on his family's hunting land, and found a great one. He brought it to my sister's house and set it up.

When I was through with work, I stopped at LeeAnn's house to check out the tree, and stuck on the fridge with a magnet was a story in sloppy child handwriting:
Today Todd is bring us to get a christums tree. We are so exited. He will take
us to the woods but it won't be scary cus Todd is theeree.

After my visit with LeeAnn, she called me to say the Christmas tree had tipped over and she wasn't able to put it back up by herself. I told her I would send Todd over in the morning to fix it. It turns out, though, I didn't even have to. Mason had forgotten his backpack at LeeAnn's house, and Todd volunteered to go back for it. While he was there, he put the tree back up and made sure it was sturdy.

When he fell asleep next to me that night, I looked at him and thought, "I couldn't possibly love this person anymore than I do right now." But looking at him when I was only 17, I thought the same thing.